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Dough Boys




A man walks into a donut shop at 6 pm. He approaches the counter, looking down at his phone. Jason walks over to the cash register and says, "Good evening sir, how can I help you?" The man never looks up from his phone. He puts one finger in the air, gesturing like he needs a few minutes. He starts typing on his cellphone. Jason looks over at Carlos cleanings a table. Carlos looks at Jason and silently mouths the words 'What the fuck?' Jason waits a few moments and finally says, "Hey sir, do you want-" and immediately the man cuts him off and says, "Two éclairs, one bear claw, and a small coffee please." Jason says, "Sure." After the man pays and leaves Carlos gives the man two middle fingers after he walks out. Jason laughs and says, "Man, I hate this job." Carlos says, "Shut your ass up. You love this shit."


Jason shakes his head. Soon after, Candice comes from the back room and says, "Who the fuck orders coffee and donuts at 6 pm anyway?" Buy that shit in the morning like a sane person." They all laugh. Candice says, "I'll be back, guys. I'm gonna take out the trash." When she leaves, Carlos looks at Jason with wide eyes and disappointment. Jason says, "What's up?" Carlos says, "You're gonna let her take out the trash? That's your woman, dude! Be a man and get the trash for her." Jason and Candice are NOT together. Carlos is teasing Jason because of his refusal to ask Candice out despite breaking up with her boyfriend two weeks ago. Carlos says, "Dude, aren't you tired off jacking off and curling up into a ball on your bedroom floor every night? Crying and thinking about Candice?" Carlos bursts out with laughter.


Jason says, "Fuck you dude. I don't jack it and then cry on the floor. You sound stupid." Carlos says, "You can ask her out, then you guys can get married right here in this filthy ass store." Carlos can't stop laughing. Candice comes back and says, "So Jason, you yank it while crying? How is that possible?" Jason says, "What the fuck? No!" And Carlos said that. Wait... how much did you hear?" Candice says, "I heard enough to know that you guys are extremely offensive and inappropriate. I'm gonna report what you guys said to the boss. I knew you two were half retarded but this goes beyond anything I expected." Both Carlos and Jason get quiet. They are no longer smiling. After a few seconds of silent tension, Candice starts laughing. Carlos lets out a sigh of relief and says, "Holy shit, I thought you were serious." Candice says, "I have three brothers. I'm aware that you guys are naturally disgusting. And Jason, my answer is, Yes."


Jason has a look of confusion. He says, "Yes to what?" Candice looks at Carlos. Carlos says, "She wants you to ask her out, puto!" Carlos looks at Candice and says, "Are you sure you wanna date this motherfucker!" Candice laughs. Jason grabs a donut, gets down on one knee, and says, "Candice, will you go out with me?" Candice starts to fake cry and says, "Oh my god, yes!" Jason puts the donut on her finger, then stands up and gives her a hug. Carlos says, "I now pronounce you, two goofy motherfuckers in a donut shop." Candice throws the donut at Carlos as they all laugh. Afterward, a family of five walk in, and the father says, "Are you guys still open?" They all roll their eyes and get back to work.

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