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Fuck This Sandwich.

Updated: 6 days ago






Miranda just lost her job yesterday. She's at her downtown loft, sitting on the balcony. She's drinking a glass of wine. It's 8:30am. She's replaying her meltdown in her mind from yesterday. When the owner of the art gallery told her to pack up her things and leave, she lost her shit. She cursed out the owner, the secretary, the patrons in the gallery, even Brian; the extremely nice sandwich shop delivery driver. She plans to apologize to Brian soon. She also plans to boycott the art gallery via Instagram, which she most likely won't follow through with. It all started with an artist exhibit event that took place at the gallery. The artist is very popular in the city, and he's had several art exhibitions over the past 10 years. The artist's name is Dumb Ass Pervert, which is not his real name, but the name Miranda has reserved for him. During the event, the artist repeatedly flirted with Miranda.


Despite wearing a wedding ring, he became increasingly persistent with his flirtatious banter. He never said anything specifically inappropriate, but he kept staring at her body as he spoke to her. At one point, as Miranda was assisting a patron, the artist quietly said, "You know I'm currently separated. If you're interested, maybe we can grab a drink later?" Miranda slowly turns to him and whispers, "I'm not attracted to you. You have a man-bun, you have a dream-catcher tattoo on the back of your neck, your knees are exposed through your jeans, and you're wearing Crocs in public. They were clearly made to be worn when you're cooking and not to be worn outside of your kitchen. And you smell like compost & marmalade." Ten minutes later, Miranda was fired. She cursed everyone out, gave the owner the middle finger, grabbed her coat and a coffee mug, and exited the building.


After a few hours pass, Miranda decides to visit the sandwich shop to pay Brian a visit. She owes him an apology. He did not deserve to catch strays from her barrage of insults. Once she gets to the shop she immediately asks for Brian. The cashier says, "You're not gonna buy anything?" Miranda says, "Fine, let me have an Italian sub." A few moments later, Brian walks in. Miranda says, "Hi Brian! Can I speak to you really quick?" Brian ignores her and walks to the back. Miranda looks at the cashier. The cashier just shrugs. Five minutes later the cashier gives Miranda her food. She looks around for a moment and leaves the shop. After her reconciliation with Brian failed, she decided to drive to the park. Once she gets there she walks to a bench with her food.


When she reaches into the bag to pull out her sandwich, she's shocked to see the word "BITCH" written on the wrapping with a sharpie. She's definitely not eating it now. Soon after, a dog approaches her. It doesn't seem to be with anybody. Miranda says, Hey buddy, you hungry?" She starts to feed the dog her sandwich. An elderly man walks by and looks at Miranda like he's aggravated." Miranda says, "What!" The old man says, "It's a shame to see folks give dogs 'people food'. They make dog food for a reason." Miranda says, "Well this is a bitch sandwich." The old man says, "That dog is a male." Miranda says, "No. Apparently I'M the bitch." The old man shakes his head and walks away.

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