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Staycation




Stacie is on the phone with her friend Brenda. She's pacing back and forth. She's nervous, and her adrenaline is pumping. She's still holding the small bowling ball that she used to knock out the intruder who invaded her home. Brenda says, "Did you call the cops already?" Stacie says, "No. I thought I killed him! But thankfully, he's still breathing. I wasn't trying to kill him." Brenda says, "Are you hurt?" Stacie says, "No, I'm fine. But I think I have some questions for this asshole when he wakes up." Brenda says, "Bitch if you don't call the police! Are you waiting for him to wake up so you can hit him in the head again? Call the cops!" Stacie laughs and says, "Ok, I'll call the cops." Brenda says, "How is this funny, Stacie? I'm serious." Stacie says, "I'm sorry! I'm nervous. He's kinda cute too."


Brenda says, "Oh my god Stacie. Call the police and call me right back." Stacie says, "Ok." After the call, Stacie sits on her couch. She is NOT going to call the cops. She's looking at the intruder as he lies on the floor. She managed to restrain his hands with duct tape while he was unconscious. He starts to move around a little bit, so she decides to wake him up. She throws cold water in his face, and he wakes up in shock. The man says, "Holy shit! What did you do to me?" Stacie says. "I hit you in the head with a bowling ball after you tried to MURDER me." The man said, "Look, I'm sorry I scared you. I know breaking into your home was a pretty rotten thing to do, but I wasn't trying to hurt anybody. I thought the house was empty.


Stacie says, "Well, I have a situation going on. And your response to this ultimatum will determine if you go to jail or not. My friend Danielle, well, she's more like an associate. She has planned a 3 day couples vacation in San Cabo Lucas. I'm single, and I don't have an eligible date to go with. The trip is in two days. You can be my plus one, and go on the trip with me. Or I can call the cops, and you go to jail." The man says, "That's a stupid plan. You said the trip is in two days. Are you just gonna keep me here in your house for two days? That's kidnapping." Stacie says, "Well, you broke into my home. That's assault. And no, I'm not gonna keep you here. You can go home, but you'd have to come back for our trip."


The man says, "The second I leave here, I'm never coming back. Your whole plan is ridiculous." Stacie says, "Shit, you're right. What the fuck am I thinking? I don't even like Danielle. She just wants to show everyone how rich her pompous fiance is anyway." After a few seconds of silence, Stacie looks at the man. He looks at her. She looks at his chest, then looks at him again. The man breaks the silence and says, "Hey look, can I just go to jail now?" Stacie says, "You know what? Screw that vacation. I'm better off staying home anyway. And I'm gonna let you go. I won't call the cops. But at least eat some ice cream with me before you go. Vanilla or Butter Pecan?" The man lets out a sigh of relief and says, "Fuck it, Vanilla."

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